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Post by pondgardener on Nov 19, 2019 22:31:44 GMT -5
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY ARE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
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Post by pepperhead212 on Nov 19, 2019 22:49:19 GMT -5
I could have used #1 yesterday.
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Post by brownrexx on Nov 20, 2019 7:53:44 GMT -5
IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM. Funny. I have to share this one with hubby.
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Post by carolyn on Nov 20, 2019 8:09:38 GMT -5
oh my. those did bring a chuckle.
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Post by octave1 on Nov 20, 2019 8:56:18 GMT -5
So much wisdom, so beautifully dispensed.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Nov 20, 2019 9:13:36 GMT -5
I could have used #1 yesterday. So, did you try #6 or #7 for your cut? (But seriously, I hope you didn't cut yourself too badly.)
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Post by daylilydude on Apr 21, 2020 19:59:17 GMT -5
Avoid the mess when your toilet backs up, use the yard.
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dirtguy50
Pro Member
My avatar got in trouble for digging in the garden
Posts: 255
Zone:: 6b
Joined: February 2014
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Post by dirtguy50 on Apr 21, 2020 20:06:34 GMT -5
Now that is some funny stuff. Thank you for bringing some laughter in these times. Good stuff!!
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