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Post by paulf on Jul 30, 2024 10:40:06 GMT -5
Growing up in Forest Grove, Oregon, my mother made pear butter from the two pear trees in the yard. Maybe the flavor improved a lot over the sixty-five years but I don't think that is it. It was delicious then and the memory is even better. Maybe a small batch of pear butter this year will make me change my mind about the pear tree we have.
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Post by bestofour on Jul 31, 2024 5:27:26 GMT -5
I was going to leave the rest of the pears at the top of the tree, but this stuff is so delicious if it stops raining, I'm going to drag a ladder out there and try and get more. It's so easy for something that tastes so good. paulf, pear butter sounds good too. I've had apple butter (my apple trees got tornadoes to death several years ago) but never pear butter.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Aug 4, 2024 17:06:23 GMT -5
I was an idiot and burned the fingers on my left hand today. (I started to grasp the handle of a pan that I just took out of a 450F oven a few minutes earlier. ). From the amount of pain and redness, I was sure that I'd have blisters, especially on one finger. But I have an aloe plant in the yard and sent my son to get a leaf. I ran lots of cold water on my hand, gently dried it, and then coated it in aloe slime. Amazing. I am in barely any pain (unless I forget and try to use those fingers - they are tender), the burned areas are barely red, and I don't even think I am going to develop a blister. Thanks, Mom! (Mom used to use her plant for burns, and I got this plant from her place after she died.)
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Post by september on Aug 4, 2024 19:53:19 GMT -5
Laura_in_FL , I am so bad at touching or tasting things that are too hot! I always have to run for an ice cube! I used to have a potted aloe plant, but can't remember what happened to it, it's been years. I do think that pure aloe juice is better than some of the various commercial potions that claim to have aloe in them. I should be on the look out for a plant, but it's not the kind of thing carried in our few nurseries and garden stores.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Aug 5, 2024 12:04:27 GMT -5
I was shocked at how much better it worked than even the concoctions that claim to be 99% aloe vera. I guess that this is just one more case where "fresh is best."
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Aug 5, 2024 12:06:13 GMT -5
Oh, and this evening hubby and I are going out to a seafood restaurant at the beach, despite it being tourist season and DH not being a big fan of seafood. It's our 35th anniversary.
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Post by paulf on Aug 5, 2024 17:25:50 GMT -5
Congrats!
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Post by september on Aug 5, 2024 18:43:39 GMT -5
Congratulations from me as well, Laura_in_FL , seafood sounds very good right now!
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Post by bestofour on Aug 6, 2024 19:29:41 GMT -5
I was shocked at how much better it worked than even the concoctions that claim to be 99% aloe vera. I guess that this is just one more case where "fresh is best." I got burned once and was sure I'd have blisters but used my aloe plant and didn't and the pain was less than it would have been without it. It really works. Hope you and hubby enjoyed your anniversary dinner.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Aug 7, 2024 10:04:09 GMT -5
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Aug 29, 2024 12:44:16 GMT -5
I got a call yesterday from DCF because one of son #4's friends needed a place to stay temporarily. And about an hour later we were on our way to pick up our new houseguest. This is a short-term, unofficial placement since they couldn't locate anyone else they could place her with last night. (If we had not said yes, they would have sent her to a group youth home.) I don't know her full situation, but she has been living with her grandmother. Her grandmother was just discharged from the hospital to either a rehab center or a nursing home. (The DCF case worker, sheriff's deputy, and health department have all told me slightly different stories). She had been living by herself in her grandmother's house (she's 16) but doesn't feel safe there. She apparently has some other family but...reasons. Anyway, so far she seems to be a sweet, quiet, shy girl and doesn't talk much to me or DH. (She talks more to my son, but she's still pretty quiet.) Can't say I blame her, since we just met her. She stays on her phone and other devices. I am trying to make her comfortable and not add more stress to her life while she's here.
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Post by september on Aug 29, 2024 14:33:44 GMT -5
Very kind and generous of you to welcome her into your home at such short notice. I'm guessing she will open up more as she gets to know you, I imagine she is feeling a bit discombobulated too, at her change in homes and adult supervision, and may not know whom she can trust.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Aug 30, 2024 15:28:56 GMT -5
Thanks, september. I worry about what's going to happen to her long-term. There seems to be a new moving part in her life every day. Maybe next week I will get a little more clarity (there's going to be a Teams call with everyone involved in her care on Tuesday).
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Post by september on Aug 31, 2024 10:23:25 GMT -5
It can't be easy growing up in foster care. While there certainly are caring and stable foster homes, you also hear about the ones that are only in it for the money, and the kids get little emotional support, moving from place to place. It would take a strong kid to come out of the system without at least a few issues in attachment and trust. I hope your son's friend will be one of the lucky ones.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Aug 31, 2024 14:42:23 GMT -5
I am hoping her grandmother will recover sufficiently to come home, or that someone else in her family will step up, so she won't end up in the system, but I'll know more hopefully next week.
She has multiple medical conditions that have to be managed. Yesterday afternoon turned into a huge kerfluffle of trying to get doctor's appointments scheduled and rescheduled, get medications filled, and there are still some outstanding issues we'll be addressing into next week. She seems to think things will just work out and doesn't mention important stuff. Like an important morning doctor's appointment that she didn't mention until the afternoon. "Oh, I thought the DCF guy would have told you about that." You'd think she might have mentioned it when we were, say, getting ready for school that morning? But no. I tried not to get upset about it, but I was unhappy.
Anyway, that attitude of relying on grownups to handle everything for is not going to work for her anymore, at least not unless/until her grandmother recovers enough to come home and can take care of her. So I am trying to coach her on taking charge of her medical issues. Don't assume the grownups have stuff handled - ASK! I am trying to teach her how to talk to doctors, deal with pharmacists, etc. But learning those skills and changing those attitudes won't happen overnight.
So, yeah. I've stepped into a lot more complicated situation than I was led to believe. "Oh, she can manage all of her medications. She just needs a place to stay for a few days, maybe two weeks max until her grandma gets out of rehab." It's not that simple at all, and I am losing some sleep over it. But she is still a sweet girl and we'll just take it one day at a time.
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Post by bestofour on Aug 31, 2024 19:04:27 GMT -5
I work at a psychiatric residential therapeutic facility for youth like your new friend and I'll bet she didn't mention the appointment to you for fear of thinking you already knew about it but didn't want to take her.
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Post by september on Aug 31, 2024 21:26:43 GMT -5
Laura_in_FL , Bless you for taking this on, it sounds like she needs to grow up fast and get assertive about her medical needs at least. Maybe her grandmother did all that for her before, but that can't continue. Even if grandma does come home again, her age and health problems may make her the one that needs help in order to stay in her home, so your girl may have to take on more responsibility for them both from now on!
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Sept 1, 2024 9:41:42 GMT -5
I work at a psychiatric residential therapeutic facility for youth like your new friend and I'll bet she didn't mention the appointment to you for fear of thinking you already knew about it but didn't want to take her. I didn't think of that. Thanks.
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Post by paulf on Sept 1, 2024 11:07:35 GMT -5
I am rooting for you and her for this opportunity to be successful. It sounds like you have the right attitude to handle the situation. Hopefully everything settles down and she sees that with some caring direction everything could work out. We have a nephew and his wife who have taken on this kind of responsibility and have been successful. One of my college roommates came from a background similar and was stabilized by a caring family. No matter the outcome, I respect your ability to help out.
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Post by mgulfcoastguy on Sept 1, 2024 13:51:59 GMT -5
My niece is on year 3 of her first foster then adopted daughter. It will be a chore for the rest of their lives. Her egg donor(doesn't deserve to be called mother) was and as far as I know still is a drug addict. That included during her 4 pregnancies. She finally signed away her parental rights along with the most likely male just so that the state would stop drug testing her. There were at least 2 years of a foster care. The previous foster placement most likely placed a celiac and lactose allergic kid in front of a tv with a bowl of cereal. So we have aggravated allergies, teeth and jaw malformation, and a serious lack of medical care to some other problems that I won't go into. She didn't expect to get medical care, the state provided the bare minimum, and the adults didn't care. Just getting her to ask for medical help and teaching her that plenty of the food that was good for her was a slog. Now at 8 she self monitors her diet and tells her parents if she may have gotten gluten or dairy in her diet. Her dental problems may be life long though surgery after she reaches her teens is possible.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Sept 2, 2024 12:35:06 GMT -5
This is going to be temporary, everyone. I have a son with his own struggles who is very likely to be moving back in with us pretty soon. And another son with an upcoming surgery who will be moving in temporarily to recuperate (his apartment is a 3rd floor walk up, which is not good after back surgery). God forbid the surgery doesn't help or makes things worse, in which case he might be with us permanently, too.
I am not strong enough to take on responsibility for raising another person right now, especially while I am wondering how much of it's my fault that one of my own is struggling. All I can do is try to help her as much as I can while she's here.
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Post by bestofour on Sept 13, 2024 20:39:34 GMT -5
Hope things are going well.
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Post by Laura_in_FL on Sept 16, 2024 11:14:58 GMT -5
It was never going to be permanent. I told DCF that from the start, though I know they hoped I would change my mind. I needed her to move elsewhere by the end of last week so I could get ready for my son's surgery, and I told everyone that well in advance. So, DCF set things up and on Friday afternoon I checked her into a local youth home. She will be for three weeks. Hopefully by that time they will have found a more permanent placement for her, because she will not be coming back here.
She knows she's welcome to call or text me or my son on a social basis, so we are not cutting off all contact. But I cannot be responsible for her any longer. It is just too much, especially since I am not the kind of person who can do something like this halfway. As long as she were here I would treat her like my own and worry about her like my own. It's the way I am wired. So having her here worried me to the point that I was barely sleeping, and I was (unintentionally) losing weight because I was too stressed out to eat much.
Tomorrow morning my son is going in for surgery, so today I am getting the house cleaned up. My young guest is a sweet girl but there's no good way to put it: she is not a clean person. Showers happened when I pressed her on it. Ditto for laundry, and she would wear the same clothes day after day after day if I let her. She left everything strewn everywhere - including used, uncapped insulin needles and lancets and used blood test strips. She did not wash her hands after using the bathroom. I have never claimed to be the best housekeeper or the world's neatest person, but ICK. And my youngest son is kind of a germaphobe, so he was about to climb the walls having her here.
As you can imagine, with a post-surgical son coming here tomorrow we've been doing a lot of cleanup and disinfecting. I'll be finishing that today.
I hope she does well wherever she goes. Although you guys are mostly hearing the bad parts, she really does have several things going for her. If she can get a good placement with people who can help her be more organized and responsible, I think she has a good shot at a good life.
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Post by paulf on Sept 16, 2024 11:43:51 GMT -5
Laura: It was an imposible task, but you gave it a go. In order to change long standing bad habits takes willingness to see change is needed and it helps if they try to help themselves. You have done the right thing so far as I can tell.
My today and what I am doing post: I am off to the sixth annual Paul Fish Invitational Cross Country Meet in my home town Red Oak, Iowa. A few years back (6) my old high school asked if they could name the meet after me since I had been a runner back in the day. It is an unbelievable honor and I show up to watch teams of young, talented athletes run the course I ran almost 60 years ago. And no, there is no way today but to watch. And yes they are all faster than I was. My old school this year is ranked in the state for the first time in many years, so here is hoping the photos of me handing out the trophies will be to the Tigers this year. Great fun for is overweight, white haired old codger.
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Post by september on Sept 16, 2024 14:11:10 GMT -5
Laura_in_FL , you did what you could, but you can't be mother hen to everyone, your own family has to come first. I do hope she can find a good family that she will accept structure and guidance from. It appears as though she won't simply learn from example. paulf what an honor to have a trophy named after you! Have fun at the meet cheering on your team.
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